ilooseiwin

I offen think about myself and how i've changed for the last couple months, and I don't really know what i'm supposed to feel about it.

You see, one year ago, I was skinny! can you belive it? me? the fat cow!? Yes, its true.. Or I wasn't "suuuper skinny size zero" but i was thin. My bmi was at 17,2.  But did I enjoy it? No. I hated myself sooo much! You can't imagine. Somedays I even thought about taking my life. I never tryed. But I thought i was soooo fat and ugly. I didn't even go outside my room if I had a choice.

But one thing I had then, that I don't have now is selfcontrol. I could skip meals and starve myself, and I almost never binged.  I lied to everyone that i loved. My friends,family. And I lost some friends because of this. Some great friends that I can't ever get back. So yes, I was absolutly miserable. But the point is.. I feel like it's all the same but still all changed. I am still miserable, I still don't have a lot of friends, I still sit in my room 80% of my spare time,  THE MAIN DIFFERENT (or the only differens)IS THAT I'M FAT NOW! And that actually just makes me EVEN MORE UNHAPPY!FUCK!